Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
