I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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