I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
