Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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