I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
