Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
