hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
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