you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
