she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The Olympian is in my bed
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
