Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
