HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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