i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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