Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
