so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
