literally had 100 drinks last night.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize