I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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