I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I fill condoms, not promises.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
