What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
