No, drunk sperm still make babies.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
