his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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