Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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