oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
