All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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