is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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