Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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