your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
