Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
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be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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