by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we're making bets on your personal life
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
