It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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