good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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