I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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