My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
