May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
