WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize