I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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