do herpes really smell.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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