why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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