Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
whose parrot is this?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize