Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
