I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
