cat food counts as protein by the way
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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