margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
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his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
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the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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