small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
