Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
