Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
