omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
