Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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