Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
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we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
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Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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