Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
