holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
