Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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