i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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