Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
