All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
