Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
