how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
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Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize