It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
What a dumb baby whore.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
