normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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