She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
