i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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