I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
