remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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