i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
