Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
NoShamevember. You game?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
