So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
