I have demons in me.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
